All posts under Funny Dog

Should I Bark First?

Boy, that’s one cute dog!

Across the street.

Should I bark first?

 

Maybe she’ll think I’m rude,

And run away;

That’d be the worst!

 

But, what if she likes it?

And comes over,

To say “Hi”?

 

What am I thinking?

That’ll never work.

Why even try?

 

Wait – did you see that?

She looked at me!

Or was it you?

 

Could I be seeing things?

What should I say?

What should I do?

 

Oh, well, forget it.

I scared her off.

She’s gone.

 

Wait … you hear that?

She barked first.

Dang – hot diggity dog!

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Dog for Hire

If you need,

A working dog,

To get things done,

Then hire me!

 

If you want,

A dog to dig,

A great big hole,

I’m the one to see!

 

Do you long,

To have a dog,

Claim you as,

Their human pet?

 

Do you like,

The feel of fur,

And canine dander,

On your chest?

 

If you dare,

Open your heart,

And open your home,

To a shaggy live wire …

 

If you dig,

What I’m all about,

Then call me up,

I’m your dog for hire!

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Two & A Half Dogs

First?

There was one dog,

Living with a man.

 

Then?

A second dog,

Was added to the plan.

 

Finally?

A tiny dog,

Rounded out the crew.

 

“Half pint”,

They called him;

He fit inside a shoe!

 

“Two,

And a half dogs”,

The man often said.

 

“Two,

And a half dogs,

Have taken over my bed!”

 

The first?

Was the biggest.

The second? He was big.

 

Li’l half pint?

He was smaller,

Than a guinea pig!

 

“Two,

And a half dogs”,

The man would remark.

 

“Two,

And a half dogs,

Have stolen my heart!”

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This Dog’s Gotta “Go”

You went to bed late,
After a bit too much wine.
You said to yourself,
This is the very last time!

You had trouble sleeping,
Tossed and turned all night.
You finally conked out with,
The covers drawn tight.

You got up at three,
A little groggy, for sure.
Straight to the bathroom,
Then back to bed for more.

You almost woke up,
In time for our walk.
You asked, “Five more minutes?”
As if I could talk.

You looked so peaceful,
But I needed you to know.
That you may be dog tired,
But this dog’s gotta “go”!!!

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If I Were a Chihuahua

If I were a Chihuahua,
I’d be pretty short,
I’d be pretty light,
Nearly outta sight.

If I were a Chihuahua,
I might start a ruckus,
I might resort to barking,
When I want to be seen.

If I were a Chihuahua,
I could probably relax,
I could probably chill,
Up on a window sill.

If I were a Chihuahua,
It’s not like I’d fret,
It’s not like I’d worry,
Or be in a hurry.

If I were a Chihuahua,
There’d be nothing to want,
There’d be nothing to need,
…‘cept to be a bigger breed?

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With My Tongue Hanging Out

Once in a while,
I walk around with,
My tongue hanging out.

Now and then,
I sleep with my,
Tongue hanging out, too!

More often,
I’m getting a drink,
Or cleaning off my paws and coat.

If I’m panting,
I’m doing my best to,
Use my tongue to keep cool.

But, my favorite,
Is coming up to you,
With my tongue hanging out…

And giving you,
A big, sloppy kiss that,
Makes you laugh ‘til I drool!

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Til Fur Flies Everywhere

After a shower,
Or after a bath,
I like jostling vigorously,
‘Til fur flies everywhere.

After a puddle or,
Creek gets me muddy,
I wiggle my back end hard,
‘Til fur flies everywhere.

After exiting,
The big human pool,
I shake off excess water,
‘Til fur flies everywhere.

After a long nap,
Leaves me groggy,
I wake up shimmying,
‘Til fur flies everywhere.

After sliding,
‘Cross the floor I recover,
By churning left and right,
‘Til fur flies everywhere.

After all that,
Just for good measure,
I flutter, rattle and flap around,
‘Til fur flies everywhere!

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That Doggone Look

Know what can make,
My day a little brighter?
And sometimes a little sadder?

That doggone look.

‘Cause often I do,
Something very right,
Or very wrong when you give me:

That doggone look again.

Like when I chew on,
Carpet or relieve myself inside.
Do you know what I mean?

See – there is it…that doggone look!

The worst is when,
I’ve really messed up,
‘Cause there’s no mistaking:

That doggone look gone bad.

But, on the whole,
I prefer the attention,
To being ignored or missing out on…

That doggone look from you!

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Wait. Sit. Stay.

Wait?
For what?
Those cars to drive on by?

Sit?
Right here?
But the pavement isn’t dry!

Stay?
But, why?
That squirrel’s so close I hate not to try.

Wait. Sit. Stay.
I’ve heard it all before.

I’ll wait, sit and stay,
But, I’m itching to explore!

Wait?
How long?
The squirrel’s starting to get away…

Sit?
Butt down?
But, I wanna run around and play.

Stay?
With you?
I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Wait. Sit. Stay.
I’ve heard it all before.

I’ll wait, sit and stay,
But, I’m itching to explore!

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Barking at Strangers

A big bark,
A little bark,
It depends on,
Who’s passing by.

A big woof,
A little woof,
Did I startle them?
I know I sure try!

A big dog,
A little dog,
They know not,
Which one I am.

What matters,
Is broadcasting,
I’m with you, so,
They should scram.

Your friends?
That’s different.
We know them and,
I trust your opinion.

But, them?
The strangers?
I consider them,
Pesky minions.

A big bark,
A little bark,
Most react with,
A real good start.

A big woof,
A little woof,
They’re easy,
To outsmart!

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